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  • Writer's pictureChristina Cunningham Spinler

Why it’s okay to argue

Updated: Apr 26, 2023

It's common to believe that arguing with your partner is a sign of a troubled relationship. However, arguing can actually be healthy for a relationship. Here are some reasons why:


  1. Arguments allow you to express your emotions: When you're upset about something, it's important to communicate how you feel. Bottling up your emotions can lead to resentment and distance between partners. By arguing, you give yourself and your partner the opportunity to express how you're feeling and work towards a solution.

  2. Arguments can deepen understanding: When you argue, you have the opportunity to better understand your partner's perspective. By listening to their point of view, you can gain insight into their thoughts and feelings, which can help you become more empathetic towards them.

  3. Arguments can strengthen trust: When you argue, you are being honest with your partner about your feelings. This can help build trust in the relationship because you are showing that you are willing to be vulnerable and open with them.

  4. Arguments can lead to growth: By working through arguments, you can learn more about yourself and your partner. You may discover new ways of communicating and problem-solving, which can lead to personal and relationship growth.

  5. Arguments can be resolved: It's important to remember that arguments don't have to be a negative experience. By staying calm and respectful, you can work towards finding a resolution that satisfies both partners. This can help build intimacy and trust in the relationship.

It's important to note that there is a difference between healthy arguing and unhealthy arguing. Healthy arguing involves respectful communication, active listening, and a willingness to compromise. Unhealthy arguing involves yelling, name-calling, and a lack of respect for each other's feelings.


Arguing can be a healthy and productive part of a relationship. It allows for the expression of emotions, deepens understanding, strengthens trust, leads to growth, and can be resolved in a positive way. However, it's important to approach arguments in a healthy way and avoid falling into unhealthy patterns of communication - especially the four horsemen!

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