So I was playing Farkle with my family, and I rolled a great roll—three pairs! But I didn’t see it. I was looking for 1s and 5s because I had momentarily confused Farkle with another dice game we often play with my in-laws in the summer. In that game, you have to collect 1s and 5s first to build up to 350 points. But that wasn’t the game we were playing.
For a second, my brain was locked into an expectation, and because of that, I completely missed what was right in front of me. I didn’t notice the roll at all. If my spouse hadn’t stopped me just as I was about to pick up the dice and reroll, I would have lost out on a great turn. It made me pause. This moment was a perfect example of how our minds shape what we see, filtering reality through what we expect or believe to be true.
Why Do We See What We Expect to See?
Basically, for those that follow Internal Family Systems, how can we bring the self energy of "curiosity" and "courage" more into our lives to help our protective parts feel safe and calm
Our brains use cognitive shortcuts, or heuristics, to navigate the overwhelming amount of information around us. This is why we tend to see patterns that align with what we already believe.
If we expect someone to be critical, we might misinterpret their neutral behavior as dismissive or critical, even if that wasn’t their intention. In this case, our own filters—our protective parts—shape what we see. These parts are trying to protect us from harm but can sometimes distort reality and cause unnecessary hurt. It’s important to recognize this while also distinguishing it from actual gaslighting.
If we believe we’re bad at something, we will notice every mistake and overlook any small successes.
If we are feeling overwhelmed with life, we may see every challenge as an impossible obstacle rather than a manageable situation.
If we assume people don't like us, we might misinterpret neutral or even kind actions as insincere.
Our emotional state also plays a huge role—a negative or depressed mood can make it seem like everything is more difficult than it actually is, leading us to miss opportunities or solutions that are right in front of us.
The Power of Questioning Your Filters
The challenge is not to be normal. It’s normal for humans to make assumptions, to filter reality through their beliefs, and to be certain they are right. But that doesn’t mean you have to be normal. The real growth comes when we learn to pause, question, and expand beyond these assumptions.
Having assumptions is normal, but you can do better—challenge them!
What if we trained ourselves to see things differently? What if, instead of filtering the world through past experiences and fixed beliefs, we practiced curiosity?
One way to practice this is by borrowing from the concept of archetypes. Archetypes are universal patterns or characters that exist across cultures and stories—such as the Wise Sage, the Warrior, the Nurturer, or the Trickster. These archetypes represent different ways of thinking and seeing the world.
By temporarily stepping into an archetype’s perspective, we can free ourselves from our habitual ways of thinking and gain fresh insight.
Shifting Perspectives with Archetype!
The Sage: Imagine viewing a situation through the lens of a Wise Sage—someone with deep understanding and patience.
How would the Sage interpret your current problem?
What would they advise?
The Explorer: This archetype thrives on curiosity, seeing every challenge as an opportunity to discover something new.
If you approached your day like an Explorer, how might you shift your perspective?
What possibilities might you notice?
The Ruler (King/Queen): This archetype embodies personal responsibility and leadership.
Instead of waiting for a situation to change, what if you stepped into the role of the Ruler in your own life and took charge of your mindset?
What decisions would you make if you saw yourself as the leader of your own experience?
The Inspirational Mentor: Think of someone you admire.
If they were in your situation, how might they view it?
What advice would they give? Adopting their mindset, even temporarily, can open up new ways of thinking.
By consciously shifting perspectives, we practice flexibility in thinking and open ourselves up to new insights.
Practical Ways to Break Free from Your Mental Filters
Pause and ask yourself: What else could be true? If you’re feeling stuck in a particular belief, challenge it by considering alternative viewpoints.
Play with perspective: If you’re frustrated with someone, try seeing the situation from their eyes. What might their experience be?
Use an archetype lens: When facing a challenge, ask, What would the Sage/Explorer/Nurturer/Ruler do in this situation?
Be mindful of emotional filters: If you’re in a negative or depressed mood, recognize how it might be shaping your perception.
If you’re an IFS student, take time to understand this protective part. What is it afraid will happen if it stops helping you? What does it need to feel safe? How can it learn to trust your Self-energy, let go, and be more flexible? You can also borrow the energy and perspective of an archetype to help this part see new possibilities.
Engage in self-reflection: Journaling about your assumptions can help bring unconscious patterns into awareness.
Adopt a playful mindset: Playfulness makes us more open-minded and creative. When we’re in awe or feel lighter, our minds are more flexible. But we can’t just wait for playfulness to happen—we have to create it. Be the Ruler of your own life by intentionally inviting fun and curiosity into your day.
Practice creativity: Engaging in creative activities like drawing, writing, dancing, or problem-solving in new ways strengthens flexible thinking.
Expose yourself to different perspectives: Read books, watch documentaries, or talk to people with different viewpoints to expand your understanding of the world.
Experiment with new experiences: Trying new activities, even small ones like taking a different route to work or trying a new hobby, can help retrain your brain to be more adaptable.
If we can practice stepping outside of our automatic filters, we open the door to greater flexibility, understanding, and self-awareness. We are not as stuck as we think we are. Reality is more open than we often allow ourselves to see. The next time you feel certain about something, take a step back and challenge yourself to be just a little less normal. Who knows what possibilities you might discover?