How to Unblend and Connect with Your Inner Parts
Unblending is a fundamental concept in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy that involves separating your core self from the various parts that make up your inner world. These parts can include different emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that have developed over time to protect and manage your experiences. Often, these parts can become so entangled with your identity that it becomes challenging to differentiate between your true self and these protective or reactive parts. This is the art of self regulation.
The process of unblending allows you to step back and observe these parts without becoming overwhelmed or controlled by them. This separation is crucial for gaining a clearer perspective on your internal landscape and understanding the motivations and needs of each part. By unblending, you can interact with these parts from a place of compassion and curiosity, rather than judgment or avoidance. This leads to greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and a sense of inner harmony. Unblending is essential because it paves the way for healing, allowing your true self to take the lead in your life, fostering a balanced and integrated sense of being.
Talking to Your Parts: Ideas and Phrases
It's helpful if you allow a playfulness to emerge. The idea to see parts of different people within you (similar to Inside Out the movie). I understand this idea may be too silly for a few of you so please adopt the idea that best rests within your system.
Curiosity
Phrase: I’m curious about what you’re feeling right now. Can you tell me more?
Purpose: Curiosity opens up a dialogue and shows genuine interest in understanding the part.
Acknowledgment
Phrase: I see you, and I know you’re there. Thanks for letting me know how you feel.
Purpose: Acknowledging a part validates its presence and importance, helping it feel seen and heard.
Gratitude
Phrase: Thanks for protecting me in your own way. I appreciate your efforts.
Purpose: Expressing gratitude helps in appreciating the part’s protective role, even if its methods are not always helpful.
Reassurance
Phrase: It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here to listen.
Purpose: Reassurance provides a sense of safety and understanding, encouraging the part to open up.
Understanding
Phrase: I get that you’re trying to help. How can we work together?
Purpose: Showing understanding fosters cooperation and mutual respect between you and the part.
Validation
Phrase: Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them.
Purpose: Validating the part’s feelings acknowledges its emotions and legitimizes its experiences.
Support
Phrase: You’re not alone. I’m here with you, and we can face this together.
Purpose: Offering support reassures the part that it is not isolated and that you are there to help.
Inquiry
Phrase: What do you need right now to feel secure?
Purpose: Asking about its needs demonstrates a willingness to provide what the part requires to feel safe.
Patience
Phrase: I’m willing to take the time to understand you better.
Purpose: Patience shows a commitment to the process, indicating that you are ready to invest time in understanding the part.
Respect
Phrase: I respect you and want to support you as best as possible.
Purpose: Respect builds a foundation of trust, encouraging the part to soften and allow your self to lead.
Ways for Unblending
Naming the Part
Description: Give a name to each part to make it easier to identify and talk to them.
Benefit: Naming helps in creating a clear and distinct identity for each part, facilitating communication.
Dialogue
Description: Have a conversation with the part, asking questions and listening to its responses.
Benefit: Dialogue helps in understanding the part’s perspective and needs, promoting a cooperative relationship.
Drawing or Visualizing
Description: If you are a visual person, try drawing or visualizing the part.
Benefit: Visualization or drawing can externalize the part, making it easier to understand and interact with.
Negotiate
Description: Set kind boundaries with overwhelming parts, letting them know they can step back while still being heard.
Benefit: Boundaries help manage the influence of intense parts, allowing for a more balanced internal system.